My termination from BIMS
When Dr. Tiara Moore reached out to me in the summer of 2020, asking if I would like to be a part of organizing the first BIMS week, it was an easy yes for me. At the time, I was extremely dissuaded by how Black Women in science were treated. I write this after recently being terminated from a position that was created for me at BIMS. I was not terminated because I did not fulfill my duties, but because of a broken friendship.
Anyone who has taken an idea and brought it into reality understands some of the barriers that must be overcome to successfully reach milestones. The people who journey together matter and are usually more successful in bringing an idea into practice. For most of mine and Tiara’s educational and professional journey, this has been true. The toxic spaces that we had to navigate were unnecessary for us to be trained as marine scientists, but we persevered and relied on one another for the support needed to thrive. Being able to extend and create more spaces where we could truly explore Black knowledge and our oceans excited me. As the first BIMS week progressed, I realized that what we were doing extended beyond a week of exploration, education and celebration of Black people who explore the ocean, and the possibilities grew. Once the week was over and the nonprofit was formed, I, along with several other organizers, began working as board members. We continued creating content for BIMS TV, developing new programs, and building the nonprofit’s capacity.
As the organization developed, I began to see a different space for myself, one where my talents as a researcher could truly be utilized in a mutually beneficial relationship, and the BIMS team agreed after we brought more than $2M to the organization that year. As the principle investigator (PI) or co-PI on several $1M grants, I secured funds which continued to solidify our vision for ocean conservation. We were not only bringing in funds but people and organizations, like Dalio Philanthropies and OceanX who were introduced to BIMS by me when I served on a panel with members of their leadership. Some of you who now read this learned about BIMS through my own journey; these joys and connections I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I have always been committed to Black communities and the ocean. This will not change. Even if I wanted it to, my upbringing, life experiences, and the ancestors would not allow it. That is why right now, as I write this, the anger that masks my sadness finds me with ease.
“Fear and power combined are dangerous, and do not lay a sustainable path to a successful life”
Tiara and I have known one another since 2011. While we have achieved many successes together, there are aspects of our friendship that needed to change for our collective wellbeing. Although I expressed these concerns to Tiara time and time again, I was ignored, or worse apologized to, with the behavior repeat, almost immediately sometimes. These behaviors which when done to her would be an issue for everyone around. Such complexity which allows people to repeat the same hurtful behaviors towards others without accountability or remorse is very hard for me to accept–from myself or others. Over time this became more and more of an issue within our friendship. For years now, I have pulled away from our friendship as it has become draining to witness and experience the inconsistencies and mistreatment that would not be acceptable if reciprocated. Right before her wedding, after yet another situation, I threw my hands up; I told her this was it for our friendship, and I began pouring that energy into other aspects of my life. My professional work nor Tiara’s waivered and I continued expanding the footprint of BIMS, on a global scale, applying and successfully obtaining several grants, one for six figures, and working with communities to research and conserve their coast.
My mom and grandma, Mumsie are pure love for me. As I age and mature, I realize that I have a very low tolerance for even slight disrespects’, which like microagressions, are actually not slight. There are ways in which Tiara has tried to disrespect my relationship with these loves of my life which still boggle my mind given the love they have poured into her. My grandma passed a little less than a month before BIMS terminated me, while I was in St. Croix. This has been a very challenging ordeal for my family. Yet and still, I care about BIMS and made sure that I fulfilled certain obligations and commitments during that time. After my grandma passed, Tiara reached out, sharing the love that she claims to hold for us. It was and still is very hard for me to believe any of the sentiment she expressed after my grandma passed when so many of her words and actions disrespected us ; a Black Women’s family. I stepped fully into my petty bag and, knowing what to say to hurt her feelings, I did. I told Tiara to remember all my grandma’s best qualities and the love she claims she has for me when she opens her mouth to say disparaging things (I used a cussword here) about anyone with the last name Gaynus. We all know how to weave words and actions together to hurt one another, but we don’t have to, especially as a means to try and boost ourselves up. One week after we celebrated and buried my grandma, the BIMS chief of staff, Jasmine Atkins sent me an ultimatum, stating that I either needed to do mediation by a specific date or submit a letter of resignation. Immediately I expressed concern. How can you tell someone to submit a letter of resignation in a position that they created? I asked for more time, as I was catching up on work and easing into the transition, as I do not do well when rushed. Plus, the pace I have worked at thus far, which I believe was set by the ancestors has worked really well me, and the communities I am embedded within.
The BIMS team has been stretched extremely thin for some time, and my absence has only made it worse. This point is very frustrating for me to come to terms with. It is alarming to me that the leadership and board would allow my termination given the connections and monies I have brought to the organization. During the termination process I was denied by the, COO Germain Bebe, the chance to have an exit interview with two board members, something that I requested given the CEO is managed by the board a point I am familiar with being the previous BIMS board chair myself. There were multiple ways in which my termination did not follow rules outlined in our bylaws and employee handbook. The times that I have reached out to the Board chair, Mark Losavio, I have been ignored. This is the same board chair who was vice chair during my tenure as chair. He has seen the ways in which my work has benefited the organization and the fact that he has yet to address this situation does not mean it will go away. There are pending grants that if awarded will continue to speak to the impact I have had on the organization, for years to come. I would be lying if I did not have several moments where I thought about pulling those grants, but did not.
“I write this piece as a means to exercise my voice and respond to those who have reached out with questions”
Tiara, how you are using the power that folks have poured into you is unacceptable and the ancestors will continue to remind you of this. To the Board and Leadership at BIMS, begin to reroot the organization in Black wellness and serve as an example of how we can build communal successes.
“The journey I am on as an ocean-explorer, student, and holder of Black knowledge continues”
Sea Gaynus 